Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: why is solamente polyamory work with me

Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: why is solamente polyamory work with me

Previous today we had been chiming in for a forum thread about guidelines in polyamorous relationships. Being a solamente individual, individual autonomy and obligation are very important to all the components of my entire life. Therefore I’m averse to being in relationships where lovers make hard guidelines to manage or restrict one another — which will be a big good reason why mainstream monogamy does not work with me personally.

But We have developed some pretty rules that are important myself.

I’M WRITING A NOVEL about non-standard methods to relationships.Want to simply help? simply simply simply Take this study to fairly share your views and experiences of relationships that aren’t on society’s relationship escalator that is standard.

Every one of my guidelines for myself stem from my four core values in relationships:

clay buchholz dating

  1. Shared consideration and respect(exactly how we treat one another)
  2. Autonomy and self obligation (how exactly we each care for ourselves)
  3. Integrity ( be truthful and walk your talk)
  4. Joy (because otherwise, what’s the point?)

These values give my relationship objectives: items that my collection of guidelines collectively seeks to accomplish:

  • Preserving integrity: being the type or form of person i wish to be.
  • Handling danger: keeping myself safe
  • Linking with other people in many ways which are significant, deep, and constructive
  • Supporting, considering and respecting other people
  • Feeling pleased, fulfilled and happy
  • Private development: continuing to understand and develop
  • Boosting my energy and resilience
  • Keeping stability and handling anxiety, discomfort and chaos in my own life

Me explain why I have them before I get into my list of rules, let.

I’ve learned, through experience, me be the best person I can be that they help. They assist guarantee that we keep residing a life that is advantageous to me personally, without coming at the apps for making friends not dating cost of other people, which often assists me personally be here better for others if they require me personally. They assist me find out whenever a provided situation or relationship may or is almost certainly not a silly danger.

Each one of these guidelines is founded on my very own personal knowledge about relationships and life, particularly being a polyamorous and solo person. There’s a ton of faceplants, frustration, heartbreak, mistakes, miscommunication, and missed possibilities behind each one of these guidelines. The whole thing is quite individual and appropriate for me — your mileage, because constantly, can vary greatly.

The main element to these guidelines is which they connect with me personally, to not my lovers. Eventually they’re regarding how we make choices regarding simple tips to pursue, conduct, or carry on a relationship.

I don’t need that my lovers or metamours reside as much as my criteria, or do things my means; but they are wanted by me to comprehend in advance how I make choices about my relationships. That’s only reasonable.

These guidelines use whether or perhaps not I’m in a relationship that is significant. And so they help me to make— that is sure i actually do begin to go into relationships that include significant opportunities of feeling, time, logistical factors, etc. — why these connections stay a good potential for being mutually useful rather than unduly high-risk or annoying.

Therefore: they are my guidelines just; your mileage may differ. We provide these for instance associated with the types of individual rules or criteria that would be helpful for anybody — but particularly for solamente individuals, and particularly for solamente poly individuals.

Aggie’s guidelines for Aggie:

  1. Consideration and respect. We don’t keep connections with individuals whom treat me personally inconsiderately or disrespectfully, or whom suggest a willingness that is clear tendency to take action. If individuals do that, I’ll inform them it is an issue. I’ll probably give them a few opportunities so long as they’re perhaps not egregiously rude. However, if a pattern that is baddeliberate ) emerges within their behavior, I’ll distance myself. Likewise, we make an effort to always respect and give consideration to my lovers and metamours. Me what they need, I try to listen, negotiate and give them what I can (or be honest if I can’t) when they tell.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.